i loved you for two years and for two years we were inseparable. i don’t care if it’s not as long as it sounds, i don’t care. there are so many things i wish i could tell you, but somehow i’m too pussy to let you know. you’re everything my father never was, and in a way that’s the most comforting thing to me. whenever they fight all i can think about is that you would never do that to me. you’re so so good to me.
last night we were so so tripped out but there was a brief moment when i didn’t see anyone else (literally) and just leaned against your shoulder, your arm around my waist, and your lips on my forehead, my cheek, then my lips. i could stay there forever. just me and you. i didn’t give a fuck about what anyone else thought of us, i didn’t care if they thought we were crackheads on e because it was just me and you, and at that moment it really was all that mattered, and i’m not speaking figuratively at all.
just imagine your whole world spinning everywhere you looked and then you turn around and see the boy you love, and he’s looking right back at you, and you’re trying to find some peace in each other’s eyes, so you hold each other close because it’s all you’ve got to let you know that everything is going to be okay. it’s like that thing in inception when you’re dreaming and you spin that fucking piece of chess whatever. your world is spinning and lines aren’t even fucking straight anymore but you look into his eyes and he sees you; and you find the piece of normal you’ve been looking for all night. there’s so much trust between us, and i can’t believe i have to let it all go.
i wish i could stay here forever and just be with you, and my friends. my family no longer comforts me because it’s almost non existent. but you… you make me believe that it’s all going to be okay, because you’re here for me and you would never let anything happen to me.
even on e you constantly look for me to make sure i’m right there beside you. even when your world is spinning you remember that you have to take care of me.
where else am i going to find a boy like this? i don’t know. and in a way i don’t want to know. i want you, and that’s all. i hope every guy i meet in toronto is horrible, and every girl you meet in winnipeg is horrible because then we could be together in the future.
青梅竹馬, that’s the dream. we know each other so well, every time we say goodbye - even if it’s for five minutes - i get so uncomfortable and i wish you didn’t have to leave. even when you just have to go to the bathroom and you make sure i’m okay by myself, and i say “i’ll be okay” when really i’m wishing you could stay stay stay stay stay.
stay please. i’m going to miss you so fucking much, you have no idea. this may be weird but you’re the only person in this world who lets me bite them as hard as i can. you wince in pain but you get over it and you let me bite you again.
that, to me, is love.